* I HAVE DISABLED COMMENTS. *
I started this blog to help myself and others. That's what it will remain.
I can not stress how lost I feel, and how unwilling I am to push forward with life. Being ill all the time has put a huge toll on me. I feel like giving up. I feel like letting go. I know I can't, but I feel like being a coward. I'm tired of being brave. I'm tired of taking everything with a grain of salt. I'm sick and tired of life. My son is 900 miles away, my husband never wanted me, and I'm starting to hear more and more that it's time to grow up. No one realizes how I've been grown up for a very long time.
I can't believe I'm still alive. After 3 suicide attempts, you would think I would have been successful by now.
I haven't tried recently. I'm fact, I've been trying to avoid the thought altogether. I feel like no one knows the hurt that I'm feeling. I can't talk to anyone. I'm too ashamed. Too ashamed of how I feel and what I think about. I don't want anyone treating me like I am crazy. Today, I find myself curled in a ball, unable to stop crying. Why? Because I have no one left I can trust. I can speak to NO ONE. There's nothing in the world that hurts more than that.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
